I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm passing your future prison.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Shitshow foam night was such a success
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
