Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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