New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
