aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
