I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
