Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
