I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
