Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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