wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
