guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
