you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize