How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
