We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
