I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
