how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
