im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Damn victory sex feels great
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
