Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
