on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
