She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
