I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Your cock deserves a montage
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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