Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize