During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
