OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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