rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
