even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
