Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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