my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
