You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
