sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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