Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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