Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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