you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's rum buckets o'clock
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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