i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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