My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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