And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
