I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
