I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
