Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
