K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
