Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
