I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
