youre lurking in front of me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
