even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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