He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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