you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
