I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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