when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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