we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
