Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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