I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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