my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I met the friendliest cop last night
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
