You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
