I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
