Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
