I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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