you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
