I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
