Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
