my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
