she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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