Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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