She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
