i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
