1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
