just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
