Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
