we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
